Pirates Are Fun!
by rhombusofterror
Summary: Italy makes a discovery concerning Germany's choice of symbol. Germany is just wondering how he gets into things like this. Parody of 'German Skull Soldiers' Rated K plus for minor German perving. Oneshot! Fail!Summary.


_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing.

Feeling that, as allies they should look more uniform, Germany offered Italy and Japan two SS uniforms. The Italian had happily agreed, stripping on the spot and changing, oblivious to the reddening faces of his friends. Japan, on the other hand, had looked over the clothing in his hands and replied politely, 'I shall think about it', translating to 'No way in hell.' and was left at that.

"…very well." Germany hung up the telephone, walking towards the sand bagged wall, binoculars in hand, "They're coming; now we'll see how Russia deals with a…crack SS team." As he surveyed the area through his binoculars, Italy came up behind him,

"Ve~ Germany?" The German man in question turned, seeing the Italian fidgeting with his hands, Germany assumed the obvious,

"Have courage Italy, and remember no retreating this time." Italy nodded.

"Ve~ Yeah, Germany I've just noticed something-"

"These communists are all cowards." Somewhere, a certain Russian pulled out his pipe.

"…Have you looked at our caps recently?"

"Our caps?" Italy nodded for a second time.

"Ve~ The badges on our caps Germany, have you looked at them?" Germany rose an eyebrow at the smaller mans question, he seemed uncharacteristically quiet today.

"What? No…a bit?" The Italian paused, as if he were struggling to find the right words.

"…They've got skulls on them."

"Hm?"

"Ve~ Have you noticed that our caps have actually got little pictures of skull on them?"

"I-I don't-" He was cut off by a pair of wide, amber eyes. He had only seen Italy with his eyes open on rare occasion. He was being stared up at, the look on the Italian's face, combine with the fact he was wearing a _German_ uniform, made him was to –stop! He was saying something! Think about that later!

"Ve~ Germany…are we the baddies?"

_**-Later-**_

Germany spread a map across the small table he and Italy were seated at, plotting points he knew the Italian wouldn't pay attention to.

"Alright, we should be able to hold them at this point here, at least for a few hours."

"Ve~ Why skulls though?" The Italian muttered.

"_Was?_"

"Why skulls, Germany?" He had to think about that a moment before answering, so as not to scare Italy too bad.

"Well…maybe they're the skulls of our enemies." Italy shrugged.

"Ve~ Is that how it comes across?" Germany vaguely noted the Italian had not mentioned 'pasta' in the entire conversation they had been having, "Ve~ I mean, it doesn't say next to the skull, 'Yeah we killed him but trust us this guy was horrid.'"

…That sentence just sound so wrong coming from Italy's mouth.

"Well," Germany started, "no, but-"

"Ve~ I mean, what do skulls make you think of, death, cannibals, beheading…pirates?"

"Pirates are fun!" …Did he really just say that out loud? Italy leaned forward on the table; he looked almost serious, _almost_.

"Germany, I didn't say we weren't fun! Ve~ But fun or not, pirates are still the baddies!" really, he just couldn't think of anything to respond to that, "I just can't think of anything good about a skull!" Why were they still having this discussion?

"What about Pure Aryan Skull Shape?" Why was he still _participating_ in this discussion?

"Ve~ Even that is more usually depicted with the skin still on it." Italy responded with a straight face. Germany stared at the smaller man, seriously considering the fact that his friend had been abducted by aliens, "Where as the Allies-"

"You haven't been listening to Ally propaganda again have you? Of course they're going to say _we're_ the bad guys."

"Ve~ But they didn't get to design our uniforms. And their symbols are all quite nice, stars, stripes, lions, sickles-"

"What's so good about a sickle?"

"Ve~ Nothing, and if there's one thing we've learned in the last thousand miles of retreat, is that Russian agriculture is in serious need of mechanization."

"Tell me about it."

_**-Meanwhile-**_

Russia's hand twitched towards the silver pipe leaning against the wall.

"Someone is mocking my agriculture, da? Now I am unhappy…LATVIAAA~!"

Somewhere downstairs, a small blond boy started to shake as his older brother excused himself to go make tea.

_**-With Germany and Italy-**_

"Ve~ Germany, you've gotta say, it's better than a skull." The Italian man looked flustered for a moment, "I can't think of anything worse for a symbol, than a skull!" Germany sniffed; maybe he could get Italy to drop the subject,

"A rat's…anus?"

Sadly, his plan did not work.

"Ve~ And if we were fighting an army under the banner of a rat's anus, I'd feel a lot less worried, Germany…" Italy's tone was borderline sarcastic.

The Italian looked pointedly down at the table. Germany followed his gaze to meet an ashtray, in the skull.

"Uh…"

Italy jerked his head up, Germany turned to see Japan sitting silently, reading the atmosphere and sipping tea from a cup with a…skull painted on it. He looked further to the right to see…Poland, wearing a dress and cheerily knitting a scarf with a skull on it, Lithuania beside him, head in hands.

"Er, Poland? Lithuania? You two are fighting the war with us?" The blond looked up,

"Whaat? War? I, like, thought this was the Knitting Convention!" While Lithuania continued to hold his head, going,

"_I told you! I told you! But you don't listen!_" The cloud of gloom hanging over his head. Germany turned back to Italy,

"…Okay, so…" They looked at each other a minute before bolting. Germany was now considering changing his uniforms; maybe he'd stick rainbows on them just to be safe.

_**-Meanwhile-**_

Poland, seeming to have forgotten that this was _not _the Knitting Convention, happily went back to knitting.

"So Liet, when I finish the, do you wanna, like, show me junk?"

Lithuania groaned, his stomach ache was coming back.

_**END**_

**-Extra: Several hundred miles away-**

"Hey, Italy?"

"Ve~ What is it Germany? Are you tired? I'm tired. Ve~ We should make pasta~!"

"N-No, it's not that, it's just, why are we speaking with British accents?"

No one will ever know…

Except England.

_**AN:**_ _WOAH. First Hetalia fic. *is proud* _

_Anyways; inspired by, 'German Skull Soldiers'. Link to the video is on my profile._

_Thanks to my cross-dressing husband who got me writing this! :D_


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